he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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