I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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