Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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