Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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