I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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