i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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