I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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