She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
