I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
