From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
