bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
