apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
