It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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