Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
