C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We are two peas in an std pod
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
