She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
