If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
