Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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