You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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