I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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