i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
