you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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