Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
