She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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