I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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