We need to rekindle our bromance
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
God I need to hump something, right now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
