Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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