Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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