Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The best revenge is premature balding
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't turn off my feet"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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