I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
