Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
