I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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