There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
