I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
