Your mouth is God's brothel.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
