I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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