He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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