miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
