Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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