If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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