where am i from again
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
