So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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