Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
