I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize