I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
