Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
