my phone needs a breathalizer
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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