I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
