Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
