Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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