You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
