my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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