At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
