It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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