You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
