This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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