I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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