I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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