a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
