Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
