We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
