You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
