alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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