Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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