4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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