I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
