I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
