its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize