you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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