I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
