I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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