You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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