If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
